During my first year of university it felt like I was slowly descending into madness. After dropping out, I had an internal conference with all my feelings and experiences of the former year, and decided: never again. Never again would I allow myself to drag my body out of bed, day after day, only to keep returning to an environment that played such a huge part in me continuously feeling like a worthless, unintelligent nobody.
I quit university and, for months, never looked back. After that I spent my time focussing on my self worth and image, and how I could be my best and happiest self. See, I hated myself. I hated that I didn’t work out, didn’t read as much, didn’t spend enough quality time with the people I care about and so on. So one day, as I was complaining to a dear friend about all this, she suggested I make a list of the ‘ideal version of me.’ I did all that, gave every traits a number, and one by one I started to tick things off the list. Now, make no mistake, this is a very simplified explanation of a process I am still working on to this very day. It’s lots of falling down and standing up, and a lot (I mean A LOT) of pep talks, like telling myself I’ve only failed if I decide to give up. But even trying is effective to keep the self deprecation at bay, because whenever I stop and look back, I realise that I am hella impressive. So without further ado, here are the habits I've taught myself to ‘keep me sane.’
1. Eat, sleep, breathe
“As long as you eat, sleep and breathe, you’re gonna be okay.” That’s what it says in my journal, like a little reminder to the anxious, ’nothing is ever good enough’ spiral I tend to get stuck in when I start feeling overwhelmed. This way of thinking leads to pushing my limits beyond reason, which certainly doesn’t help my sanity. So whenever I feel lost and unable to do anything, I just try to start with the basic things to stay alive: Am I eating okay, sleeping okay, and breathing alright?
I eat three meals a day, breakfast, lunch and dinner, around the same times. I stop working no later than 8 p.m. and sleep 7,5 hours a night, usually somewhere between 22 p.m. and 7 a.m. It helps so much to maintain my grip on reality, and the structure is easy to follow, yet the fact that I’m consistent makes me feel so accomplished. And the breathing: it’s cheesy but effective. Whenever I start feeling anxious for no reason, which is daily, I take deep breaths (it’s called box breathing) and it calms me down a lot.
2. Meditate/quiet time
This brings me to the next habit: I meditate every two days. And no, I don’t dress up like a monk, or ever sit in that stereotypical pose for hours. You can even meditate for 5 minutes and it’ll still be effective. The point is to simply sit with yourself and breathe for a second. To just calm down for a sec. My mind is always full with so much thoughts, the meditation really helps managing it and reframe what’s going on. It also makes me feel more connected with my body and my surroundings. It helps differentiate what I’m feeling from what I’m thinking and what’s factually happening. To be able to take a step back from everything is such a vital skill in life and a very effective way to prevent burnout (though it will take some practice and it won’t always feel awesome).
3. Celebrate ‘little wins'
You planned out a whole day of studying to catch up with coursework, but ended up just reading 10 pages? Amazing. You can dwell on self loathing thoughts, but that’s 1) not gonna turn back time, 2) not gonna make you finish your coursework, and 3) not gonna have any other effects other than you getting better at bullying yourself. Instead, reframe and empower yourself. Why didn’t you read more, because you were tired? That’s fair, you’ll catch up tomorrow.
To use an analogy, imagine if you worked at a company. If there was an employer who continuously points out their employees' flaws and ignores whatever they do right, they'd hate that job and the company wouldn’t be as effective. But if the employer recognised and rewarded success, everyone would be more motivated. And whenever an employee has a bad day, feels completely down and like their failing, in reality they might just be tired. In such case, nothing works more empowering than someone pointing out ‘wins’ (however small they may be) when that person can’t see anything but failure.
Empowered people function better. Keep that in mind the next time you think about berating your brain for not performing better, and instead, search for whatever’s making your brain perform worse. And if you spent the whole day laying in bed and ate nothing but ice cream and pizza: point out how you’re still eating, sleeping, and breathing. And that’s gotta count for something.
4. Work hard, play hard
Let’s get one thing straight: number three is not an excuse to do nothing. In fact, it’s a way to make you do something. Because little wins lead to big wins. But for big wins, you’re gonna have to work hard. So, to maintain balance, play hard. The more fun you have, the harder you’re able to work, because you will feel energised in you heart and soul. This might lead to you taking two days instead of one to write a paper, but you’ll be energised and, more importantly, happier. Because you’ll get the dopamine from finishing a task AND from doing something fun.
People underestimate fun way too often. Theoretical physicist Richard Feynman experienced burnout and thought he’d never accomplish anything. Then he saw a student goofing around with a plate in the cafeteria, and started mathematically figuring out the motion of the plate. "There's no importance whatsoever. I'm just doing it for the fun of it,” were his words in his 1985 book 'Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!' . Through more of these silly, yet fun, experiments, he rediscovered his love for physics and went on to win a Nobel Prize. "The diagrams and the whole business that I got the Nobel Prize for came from that piddling around with the wobbling plate,” he writes.
4. Less caffeine, more water and tea
Caffeine is a short term solution, and doesn’t hold a candle to consistent sleeping schedule and sufficient hydration. And yes, tea counts as hydration, since it’s essentially water with some spices. So the next time you’re feeling tired: drink water instead of coffee.
5. Write (or practice another skill)
Writing happens to be a skill which I enjoy and want to get better and better at (hence this website). But this skill can also be painting, learning a foreign language, playing soccer or literally anything. Just as long as it’s something other than work/school and you enjoy it :)
6. Move your body
It’s just healthy to do so, and I could go on and on about the benefits, but half of the internet already does this. So, here’s a short list. Regular exercise:
- controls weight;
- combats health conditions and diseases, and increases your lifespan;
- improves your mood and boosts your energy;
- promotes better sleep;
- can be fun and social (if you’re into that sort of thing).
7. Do something that little kid-you would love/be proud of
I’m sure nearly everyone’s got some childhood trauma or something like it. Rarely anyone gets to enjoy a perfect childhood, so take time to acknowledge that, no matter how much you love the people who played a part in your childhood. Nobody’s perfect, including them, and that’s okay. Surely there’s been a moment where you thought, ‘I would do this differently if I were an adult.’ Well, you’re an adult now. So, and this ties in with number three, go do whatever it is you wanted as a kid. You’re old enough to know what you want, what’s responsible, and what’s a reasonable compromise between those two. You wanna eat ice cream every day of the week? Go do that. You wanna watch all the Harry Potter movies at 1 a.m., sure, weekends are perfect for that sort of stuff.
8. R E S T
Very self explanatory. But seriously, without kidding, don’t underestimate the value and effects of a genuinely good sleeping schedule
9. Gratitude and acknowledgment
There’s a lot to this one, and it mostly applies to those who’ve been through it in life. I’m quite religious myself, but I don’t think you need to be to do this one. You can acknowledge your pain and grief, and be grateful for your happiness and success. Things are rarely black and white, and life definitely isn’t. Find the time and strength to look back, acknowledge your hurt, and pat yourself on the back for still being here.
11. Have a me-date at least once a week
If you’re in a relationship, you want your partner to feel loved. About two years ago, I started “dating myself.” See, I’m a very good boyfriend when it comes to making others feel loved, but man I used to suck at loving myself. So, I started treating myself as if I was my own boyfriend. I figured out my love languages and started figuring out ways to incorporate them in my life. One of them is quality time and just general thoughtfulness. So, once a week I have a date with myself. It doesn’t have to be a fancy dinner, in fact, that would be very boring to me. But I just have a movie night with all my favourite snacks, or I pamper myself by taking a bath with some fancy products from Lush, you get the idea. It strengthens my self worth, and affirms that I am capable and worthy of love, and I’m an amazing person. Because if someone takes their time to care for you, you appreciate that person. And if you yourself are that person, you learn to appreciate yourself more.
12. Reflect
The importance of reflection CANNOT be overstated, genuinely. I do it everyday, whenever something goes wrong or right, I look back to see why. I do this in order to learn from my mistakes and urge everyone to adopt this habit. It’s something so valuable, for both me and everyone I interact with. You get to learn so much about yourself, the ways in which you function (or don’t function) and the more you do it, the better you’ll get. If there’s one favourite thing I had to choose about myself, it would hands down be my ability to reflect on things.
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